How to Tell Him You Want to Be Exclusive

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Just from the way you framed your question, the way you spent so much time rationalizing whether or not you should tell him how you feel, makes me believe you know the potential consequences of the action you're considering. Let me explain to you the mentality of many men using the dating apps on the reg. When it comes to sex, here's where things get interesting.

Now the way he's leading you on is a big red flag. I think 4 months are enough to fall in love, why not?

How to Tell Him You Want to Be Exclusive

Dear Evan, I really need your help. We were good friends for 5 months before one-night things changed and we ended up having sex. She tells me she wants to take it slow. She also is not the best communicator of her feelings when it comes to how she personally feels. I told her I have no problem taking it slow. We are sexually exclusive with each other, but she gets upset sometimes when I do really nice things for her. She says that me taking her to expensive dinners and stuff of that nature is moving too fast and that I do too many nice things. She feels that if she does not reciprocate, then it makes her feel like the bad guy or some such nonsense. But I am just naturally a romantic person and I like to do that stuff! So I have been trying to not call her as much, and some days I just ignore her and do my own thing. But I feel by trying not to call as much and not be as romantic as I want to be I am playing some silly game with her. Do I take it slow like she says and really back off? I wish I knew how she really felt. I come from a family where we tell each other how we feel all the time and she comes from one where stuff is just assumed. What should I do? Am I just over thinking all this stuff? After all, how many letters have you read here from women who could have said the same thing, verbatim? It shows us that emotions and feelings and commitment are not exclusively female territory…. Which is why I want you to put your male hat on when answering your own question. If you were giving advice to a trusted girl friend about a guy who was not committing to her, what would you say? She knows how he truly feels. Too emotionally engaged in your own relationship to see it objectively. You seem kind, well-adjusted, and you come from a close family. Any woman reading this would love to be with a man like you. Is that what you want? Is that what you deserve? You may just find that this amazing lawyer woman is not the best catch for you after all. Will she do it for him? And most students barring trust-fund folks go for modest to cheap food and save the big expensive meals for special occasions. And Daniel considers doing nice things for her as taking her to expensive dinners and other stuff of that nature. And students tend to see a direct correlation between the amount of money spent and the seriousness of a relationship. So my advice to Daniel is to slow down and see how things go. So you were clear cut on your decision making an never jerked anyone around. You were picky — not a committment phobe. This one is a little too familiar. I dated a man for years I was not that into, in some ways, and in other ways our relationship worked for us both. However, I cannot say it evolved drastically over time. What we had at the end was basically what we had at the beginning, and it was not enough. If she is not comfortable with something, STOP. You may need to give her the space to be into you, rather than forcing gifts and dinners on her. If you continue her discomfort will continue and you both might loose respect for you. If she is really important to you, set a time frame for this to happen. This MAY account for some hesitancy, but not all. It could very well be she has some real intimacy issues. The lack of communication is a red flag. Daniel, commit to YOURSELF, and having a healthy, reciprocal relationship. You will feel better when you tune in to what works for you and act on it. If a woman is into you she will act like she is into you in all of the ways that fit with common sense. If she was into you she would LOVE to be called your girlfriend. Since you have been intimate with her, have a gentle talk with her. Tell her you like to date non-exclusively I bet she will NOT be disagreeable. Then go do it. If a man is giving, giving, giving, and not HEARING that the woman is not yet on the same page, why would she want this? A man or woman—any partner needs to take the time to get in synch instead of just having their own experience. Women have come in for a lot of stick on this blog for being gold diggers and dinner whores. Maybe he feels he really needs her to make him feel complete — which of course is a sign that he should love himself more, and complete himself on his own. When you are truly happy with who you are, you can really open yourself to a healthy relationship. Give yourself permission to see other women. I too had a boyfriend who though lived two hours away and we only had dates maybe once a week, after two month was sending gifts, cards, and saying I love you. There is no way you know me enough to be so effusive and sure of your thoughts. And if I feel uncomfortable with it and tell you and you ignore it, what else can I do? Why would she want to take it further and be exclusive when he is not listening to her now? I like to hold my share of the bargain. Paying attention to my needs and thoughts are so much better. The most romantic thing a man has done for me are the ones that I needed, not wanted. Also, it is a lot easier to maintain and communicate in a relationship when you are in the same town as well. So maybe she wants to take it slow now, knowing that just on proximity alone it will speed up once she moves into town. But more importantly, if he does want to make it work — he should listen to what she has to say and ease up. Be consistent and be slow, if you want to be with her, and that is what she wants. Or it could be issues of emotion intelligence, personality, or something else. There is no need to pursue a relationship with someone who makes you feel all undone all the time. Relationships should be comfortable. This women seems entirely self absorbed to me. It may have come from some childhood trauma. Being uncomfortable with being treated nicely never had anything to do with whether I was into the guy or not. I can be into the guy and still be afraid of the relationship leading somewhere positive and promising. I can only thank you and the women of the Inner Circle. That, in itself, is a tremendous gift to me, and worth its weight in gold. He is tall and athletic and totally hot. He is 53, but I am here to tell you 53 can be pretty damn impressive. All this from a woman who a year before had equated dating with despair, rejection and pain. I couldn't be any happier. You were honest with me even when I didn't like it. You put a mirror to my face...

Our site receives compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Men whose primary way of meeting women in real life have less custodes, so when they do meet an incredible women like yourself, they get that it is difficult to find such a catch. I think 4 months are enough to fall in love, why not. Now the way he's leading you on is a big red flag. Con experience, getting over a four- month relationship will be easier than getting over a four- year relationship, where you have invested substantial time, resources and emotions. Tell him that you like him and you really see this going somewhere. But when a man wants more than just file he better have more behind it than it feels like a good idea today. What I can't understand is why we're all so obsessed with the possibility of shooting ourselves in the foot. A lot is written on this website about the impossible standard men set for jesus, for what they should look like and how they should behave.